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Should I Date Someone I’m Not Attracted To? XoNecole: Women’s Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty

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It’s very common to not see someone romantically when you first meet them, and you’re still getting to know them. You haven’t seen them in various situations that might cause attraction to grow — like in a crisis, loveconnectionreviews under stress, around other people. You’re probably mostly interacting one on one, in the best of circumstances (i.e., preplanned dates). When it comes to attraction, two sets of circumstances can trip you up.

A relationship has legs when both partners line up on the important stuff. Even if they’re a great person, they may not be a great person for you. If your core beliefs about the way world works don’t line up, or you have different visions for what you want for the future, it can be hard to justify a long-term investment. Take a step back and consider whether your fundamental values are in alignment. It’s very possible to be deeply in love with someone who is bad for you.

You like being admired, even if the feeling isn’t reciprocated. You’re able to be your authentic self when you’re spending time together. If your answer to most questions is yes, psychologists would say you’re not in love. The mood swings have been compared with the mood fluctuations often seen in people with substance use issues. A 2017 study published in Philosophy, Psychiatry and Psychology indeed found a huge similarity.

They’ll want to talk to you and ask you questions in order to get to know you better. “Maybe they recall that you had a big meeting you were stressing about at work or that you hate olives,” Krafchick says. “If they make an effort to bring up a minor detail or interaction you mentioned, it means they were paying attention and subconsciously investing in a future with you.” You can be attracted to someone for a myriad of reasons, regardless of how they look. If they seem like they’re going out of their way to hang out with you, it’s a big sign that you’re doing something right. For instance, there are some people who are totally grossed out by smoking.

If you’ve been looking for love in all the usual places but meeting no one is memorable, here’s 12 reasons why going out with someone you aren’t attracted to might be worth a shot. “There are numerous factors to consider, and it’s unwise to rely solely on physical appearance as an indicator of someone’s worth,” she said. “Interestingly, sometimes people find others more attractive as they get to know them better, and this can also happen in reverse.” Fae told Insider scents can also take people back to a familiar time, such as the body spray their first boyfriend used to wear. It may even be related to something that isn’t romantic at all, like the smell of gasoline, because it reminds them of feeling comfortable hanging out with their dad at a garage. Sorry, but if I need more than two alcoholic beverages to even think of kissing a guy, it’s game over.

There is also emotional connection and intellectual appeal. Some might even say that healthy relationships also need a financial component for longevity. When all the other areas of love are fulfilled, it is very much possible to fall in love with someone you are not physically attracted to because they meet your needs on the other levels.

When something is casual, it’s OK to be indifferent or apathetic towards it. When something is casual, there is no real intimacy or commitment involved. Casual kind of reminds me of a man who I am very physically attracted to who is also very physically attracted to me. One time, he asked me what I thought about us having a homie-lover-friend relationship.

What messages have I internalized about members of a race that I’m not willing to date?

Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. Both are important, but emotional attraction is more important in a long-term relationship. By giving someone a chance that doesn’t fit into your standard mold of what is attractive, you may find out that they have a lot to offer.

Have you been told that you’re addicted to a specific “type”?

Before you give up on a relationship that you’ve been in for a while because your feelings have changed, try putting effort into the relationship to see if you can resolve the challenge. Sometimes, a little effort can open your eyes to the qualities of your partner that you’ve been taking for granted. So, give yourself sometime for their looks to grow on you.

Finding someone you connect with on the conversational level can be difficult, so this may be worth pursuing. If you two seek out “fun” away from one another (i.e. they play games for fun, and you watch sports for fun, but you don’t do those things together), try changing that up. See what happens when you engage in one another’s hobbies. If you don’t want to keep falling for this person because you know you can’t be together in the future (i.e. going away to college, moving to another city), it’s okay to end things now if that’s what you want.

On the other hand, familiar faces tend to be most attractive, because people may be influenced more by their personal experiences in life than anything else. According to another study, people who reported being more sexually experienced and sexually active were rated to have more attractive voices by strangers. Love is connected with several hormones that make us feel warm and fuzzy. Dopamine is the reward hormone that is released when we do something that makes you feel good, such as spending time with loved ones and having sex.

Your initial reaction when you see them reveals how you subconsciously feel. Anyone can convince themselves to stay or go using logic, pros and cons lists, or talking points. But your gut reaction when you see someone can be all the information you need.

You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further. However, this is typically only the case for people who spend a fair amount of time together platonically, where admitting to a crush might be inappropriate. If you think someone you’ve just met is avoiding looking at you, there’s a good chance it’s not a case of secret attraction. Yes, eye contact can mean attraction, but it can also mean a simple, non-romantic or non-sexual curiosity. Someone could look your way because they’re trying to figure something out about you, or it can even indicate a negative fixation — that is, they’re looking because they don’t like what they see.

If you do want to act on your attraction, O’Reilly suggests gauging the other person’s interest first. “Advertisers rely heavily on this phenomenon,” says Bhatt of the attraction/addiction similarities. “You can’t even walk through a WalMart without being bombarded by images of half-naked people in giant ads near the underwear section. This is to trigger your limbic system,” almost like a drug would.